The first three months after birth—often called the fourth trimester—are a time of profound change. It’s messy, emotional, exhausting, and beautiful all at once. There’s no guide or handbook, no one right way to do it, and yet, the pressure to get it all figured out can feel overwhelming.

So we sat down with baby and toddler sleep consultant, Coterie Council member, and mom of three, Rachael Shepard-Ohta (@heysleepybabyOpens in a new tab.) to talk about the unspoken challenges of early parenthood and the mental shifts that can help lighten the load. What if, instead of chasing the perfect schedule, we tuned into our babies and let go of the guilt? What if we allowed ourselves to ask for help without hesitation? What if we stopped comparing our reality to someone else’s highlight reel?

How do I know I’m doing this right?The perspective shift: You don’t need to search for the ‘right’ answer—your baby is your best teacher. The way they communicate with you is completely unique. Watch them, listen to them, and trust your instincts. No one knows your baby better than you.

I don’t feel comfortable asking for help.The perspective shift: We were never meant to do this alone. Set up a meal train, ask a friend to come hold the baby while you shower, and remind yourself that accepting support isn’t a weakness; it’s essential.

Will I ever feel rested again?The perspective shift: Rather than worrying about when you’ll get eight hours again, think about how you can maximize rest today. Can you nap when your baby naps? Can a partner or friend take over for a stretch? Rest is not just sleep—it’s anything that lets your nervous system take a break.

I keep comparing myself to other parents.The perspective shift: Social media makes it seem like everyone else has it figured out, but no one does. Behind every ‘perfect’ post is a real person, with real struggles. Instead of scrolling, reach out to a friend who gets it. Connection is so much more powerful than comparison.

I feel overwhelmed by the pressure to 'bounce back'—physically, emotionally, mentally.The perspective shift: There’s no bouncing back, only moving forward. Your body has just done something miraculous. Give yourself permission to heal on your own timeline. Your worth is not measured by how quickly you return to a past version of yourself. Let go of timelines that don’t serve you and celebrate the small victories, whether that’s getting outside for fresh air or simply making it through another day.

I’m struggling with my identity—who am I outside of being a parent now?The perspective shift: You are still you, even if you feel different. It’s okay if the things that once brought you joy feel far away right now. They will come back, and so will you. Parenthood doesn’t erase who you were, it layers onto it. In the meantime, honor the small moments that remind you of yourself—your favorite song or a tiny ritual that belongs just to you. And when you’re ready, gently explore what this new version of you loves, wants, and needs. You’re evolving, not disappearing.

The fourth trimester isn’t about perfection; it’s about survival, love, and showing up even when you feel like you have nothing left to give. And somehow, finding parts of yourself you didn’t know existed. You stretch, you expand, you break open—and in the process, you become someone entirely new.